They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
