the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
