maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
