i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
