It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
