We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
