If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
