I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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