you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
