absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
