WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
