You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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