wake up i wanna do it froggy style
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize