He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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