So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
