Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
