i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
