I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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