I'm eating all of the evidence.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
