mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
