i was born a porn star she said
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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