Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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