Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
