Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
