the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My balls are so social today.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
