I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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