people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I want her autograph on my taint
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
