Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
