I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
