Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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