I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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