i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize