For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
