it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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