I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
