I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
