Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
