the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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