someone get that fucking seahorse.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
