i always forget guys have bellybuttons
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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