K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
