yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
