This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize