just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we made out on top of his cat.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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