Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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