So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
