Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
