We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
