I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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