Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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