I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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