No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
