Please, let me fuck your mom
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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