There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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