I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
