Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
