so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
