I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
