I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
