I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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