Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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