This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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