My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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