Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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