Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
