i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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