If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
