my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize