I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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