You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
